How to handle a rude counterpart

Thankfully, based on own experiences at least, most negotiations tend to be a fairly civilised process. Don’t get me wrong, they can still be tough but generally there is a mutual respect for each other in the way we communicate, both verbally and non-verbally.

But every so often you come across a counterpart who either is having a very bad day (if you want to give them the benefit of the doubt) or simply is lacking some manners. It is easy to get frustrated by such behaviour, something which will lead to you not performing at your best.

So what potential actions can be taken to improve the situation? First of all, make sure your counterpart actually is being rude before taking any further actions and potentially starting a conflict that wasn’t even there (it seems to me at least that we currently live in times of a never ending Being Offended World Championship). Allow for the fact that sometimes words simply come out in a way it was not intended, we’ve all been there.

If you are communicating in a second or third language it is also more difficult to express yourself in the same way you would using your native language.

And don’t worry, if your counterpart is really looking to offend you there will be more attempts if you don’t bite on the first one. When that happens, make sure to call him/her out on their behaviour. Not by saying something along the lines “you are behaving like a moron”, that will for sure get the sparks flying. Instead start with “I get the feeling like…” or “It seems to me like…” followed by your perception of occurred events. One of two things will happen, either your counterpart will start behaving a lot better very quickly or you will be provided with information allowing you to explain any potential misunderstanding before it escalates out of control.